Archive for September, 2007

Products That Live In Glass Bottles…

MillerAt times it may seem like I get exercised over the most picayune matters. The ad you see here being a perfect example. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for comparison ads. Even if they’re of the invidious variety. But when an ad plunges headlong into factual misrepresentation, it’s time for someone to throw something–a flag, a fit, anything but a stone, I guess.

Because what we have here is some pretty specious arithmetic. How, pray tell, can a bottle full of beer be 100% beer while a bottle full of water is only 5% water? Ah, I see, because the bottle of water is 95% hype whereas the beer is 0% hype. But hang on, isn’t all advertising 100% hype? Of course it is, and since the sponsor of this ad is the beer, how on Earth can it claim it contains 0% hype? Continue reading ‘Products That Live In Glass Bottles…’

Bamboogled

Google gives me the creeps. There’s just no getting around it. And it goes beyond the company’s avowed affection for people with advanced degrees, (which does step on the toes of at least one autodidact I know). The company is simply too powerful, too sure of itself and too inclined to go wandering off into areas of great importance to me where I don’t think it belongs.

Bad enough it’s managed to get a lot of people to think of search advertising as actual advertising when it’s really more like the Yellow Pages sans the jaune. I can even live with it obviating the need for agency media departments by placing newspaper ads itself. To be honest, the advertising industry beat Google to obviating media departments when it decided to spin them all off into freestanding profit centers.

But when I read that the company is now proposing to help advertisers create their own ads–as I did in a squib in The Wall Street Journal Friday–I start to get like The Three Stooges did when they heard the words “Niagara Falls”.

So let me make sure I have this right: Soon, all an advertiser will have to do is upload some product information and images using Google’s free template and voila, instant ad ready for distribution to newspapers from one end of the country to the other? Sounds pretty simple to me. Why didn’t Bob Gage or Ralph Ammirati think of that?

I’ll tell you why. Because any ad conceived of in such a manner is bound to be awfully darn ordinary and consequently of little if any value to its sponsor. Something the summa cum laude set out in Mountain View doesn’t appear to think matters. Or maybe they don’t care. Which is a distinct possibility.

After all, “caring” is a verb like “empathizing” or “communicating”. One of those tasks performed far more adroitly by humans than algorithms. (Or templates, as the case may be.)

“Off With Their Heads!”

Merrill LynchOne of the simplest ways to get beyond ordinary advertising is to start off by questioning all the mandatories that typically go into an ad. Helmut Krone, for example, was notoriously resistant to putting the sponsor’s logo in an ad because he believed the entire look of the ad should be its signature. Something he–and precious few others–ever managed to pull off with any regularity.

Another advertising “best practice” (sic) sometimes called into question is the headline. I mean, who says an ad has to have a headline? No one, as far as I know. (Heck, it doesn’t even need a sponsor to enter it in most award shows.) However, to make this work the body copy has to be extraordinarily good. Which is hardly the case here. Continue reading ‘“Off With Their Heads!”’

People Lie

Who can forget the scene where Jessica Lange tells Dustin Hoffman (dressed in his “Tootsie” guise) that once, just once, she wishes a guy would just come out and say to her: “You know, I find you very, very attractive. And I was just wondering if you’d like to come home with me so I can use your back to iron out the wrinkles in my sheets.” (Or words to that effect.)

But, when Hoffman, now dressed as a man, approaches her a few scenes later with exactly that straightforward an approach, what does he get? A glass of wine in the face. Which just goes to show you (me, at any rate) people don’t know what they’re talking about. They don’t know how they really feel. Or what they really want. Heck, they don’t even know what they’re doing as this recent article on Arbitron’s radio rating technology proves beyond the shadow of a doubt. Continue reading ‘People Lie’

Short Story

Wheat ThinsRight from the outset–of the book, not just this site–I wondered if extraordinary advertising (or the lack thereof) could be used as a proxy for a company’s overall management acumen.

Going back to Washington Mutual (WAMU), which I mentioned in January of 2005, I was curious about this. And sure enough, WAMU is one of the stocks that’s been hardest hit by the recent mortgage debacle. Then there’s Dillard’s, which I just wrote about a few days ago, with its stock down over 40% for the year. And now, here’s this wonderful piece of communications from those poster children for ordinary ordinary advertising out in Northfield, IL, Kraft Foods.

I mean give me a break. Is there anyone out there under the age of 70 and not addicted to Hollywood Squares reruns that even knows who George Hamilton is? And isn’t there some sort of statute of limitations on the number of times an advertiser can employ a “cheesy” word play in its ads? Guess not. But maybe, inadvertently, Kraft is giving me a break. Continue reading ‘Short Story’

Nice Gain On The Play

It probably seems like an ad must perforce be eye-catching, witty, intelligent, amusing and all the other things one normally associates with a great blind date before I’ll call it extraordinary. And there’s some truth to that.

However, it also needs to be grounded in a solid observation or insight. Otherwise, it’s liable to end up entertaining people without doing beans for the advertiser’s business. And it needs to break the mold in some way, shape or form. Which calls to mind this article I read in The Wall Street Journal the other day. Continue reading ‘Nice Gain On The Play’

Dullard’s

Just because I didn’t post anything for nearly a year doesn’t mean I wasn’t stumbling across good fodder nearly every darn day. For example, back in June there was this article in The New York Times reporting that the department store chain Dillard’s was soon going to run an 8-page advertising insert in Vogue and Vanity Fair.

What made this newsworthy was it offered concrete proof that not all advertisers have completely abandoned traditional print as a marketing tool and more significantly that in this particular case, the creative was being developed by Conde Nast’s (the magazines’ publisher) in-house creative department and included in the media buy at no extra charge.

What made it worthy of comment, though, was that the theme line created for this effort–”The Style Of Your Life”–was so pathetically ordinary as to almost defy description. As were the ads that went with it, surprise, surprise. Which really concerned me. Because I couldn’t help wondering if when this effort failed to produce any significant results, would Dillard’s blame the lackluster (but free) creative? Or would its management conclude, as so many advertisers have lately, that traditional print advertising just doesn’t work anymore?

Clearly, Conde Nast considers the actual quality of the creative to be of such ancillary importance that it merits neither charging for nor, presumably, investing in. What else can we glean from a statement such as this one, attributed in the article to Richard D. Beckman, president of CN Media Group: “We don’t have to make money from our creative because we make money from our media.”?  (And it’s a good thing too because if they had to live on the value of their creative, they’d starve.)

To be fair, I genuinely applaud the magazine’s efforts (self-serving as they may be) to keep traditional print alive. But I question if turning the creative into a bargaining chip is really any sort of bargain in the end. And surely, you’d think merchants like Dillard’s–of all people–would be the first to give credence to the time-honored caution that “you get what you pay for.”

Not this time. And as a result (or should I say ‘a fascinating coincidence’?) we have a company whose August sales were down 5% versus YA and whose stock was, as of 9.9.07, off 40.8% YTD. But hey, you sure can’t beat the price of that creative, eh?

“SVA Ads”

AG EdwardsThat’s what we used to call ads like these back in the Pleistocene Epoch (the 1980s) when New York’s School of Visual Arts was basically the industry’s River Rouge assembly line of creative talent. Today, there are lots of other schools, so maybe they’d be called “Portfolio Center Ads” or “MAS” ads. Whatever. The point is they were ads done in great earnestness by students desperately trying to do extraordinary ads, but who hadn’t yet learned to avoid what an old boss of mine used to refer to as “coming downstairs with a fish in your mouth.” In other words, doing something to get attention despite the fact it makes no sense whatsoever.

In an academic setting, this could be easily corrected. But alas, in the commercial realm–where more’s the pity, both of these ads appeared–it’s a much bigger problem. Because these are both perfect examples of the sort of ads clients are persuaded to buy every day on the basis of how “different”, “breakthrough”, “fun”, “unexpected”, “quirky”, “edgy” and to use my word, “extraordinary” they are. Only to discover after the fact that what they really are is a) useless, and b) embarrassingly stupid. Neither of which is likely to advance the client’s cause or career. Continue reading ‘“SVA Ads”’

Foul Ball

My “knitting” is extraordinary advertising and I try very hard to stick to it. However, every once in a while something vaguely related comes along that’s just too ripe to ignore.

Back in June, the Chicago White Sox put its account up for review despite the fact the team’s advertising was at that point in time about 1,000% better than its on-field performance. But as its Chief Marketing Officer, Brooks Boyer, disingenuously put it, the team just wanted “to evaluate all its options.” Continue reading ‘Foul Ball’

Banner Day For Writers

Whether or not Google’s $1.7B purchase of YouTube turns out to be a brilliant move or a hosing to rival Time Warner’s acquisition of AOL will largely hinge on the results you get from searching the term: “now what?”

Obviously, Google isn’t likely to enjoy much more success than anyone else has had getting people to pay for YouTube’s content since most of the content people seem willing to pay for involves live sports, betting on sports or sports best enjoyed indoors by two or more people eager to mimic the posture of a pretzel twist.

Nope, old Google is going to have to wring some advertising dough out of YouTube and having discovered the limited appeal of pre-roll ads (as in “none”), they’ve come up with something different I recently read about: Across the bottom of the screen on certain YouTube videos viewers will see a semi-transparent banner, which will remain on the screen for ten seconds or so. If the viewer is sufficiently intrigued, he or she can click on this banner and then see all the secrets of the universe revealed–at least those that are of any import to the brand manager who sprung for the cost of this ad. If not, it will go away and the video will resume playing. Continue reading ‘Banner Day For Writers’

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