So maybe that’s what my readers really are: Readers. And thus, what they’re most interested in hearing about is books, not this stupid advertising business. If so, then I’ve got a great suggestion that should keep you busy while I’m off gallivanting around the countryside for the next ten days: Middlemarch.

Yes, that Middlemarch, by George Eliot. And yes, I know most of you probably read it in some English Lit class back in college. But I also suspect many of you spent a good portion of those classes doing the same thing I did. (And trust me, that individual sitting in front of you would never have consented to assuming the position you had in mind nor been able to maintain for longer than thirty seconds without suffering extensive damage to the lumbar region.)

So go back and read it again. Then tell me if Ms. (or should it be Mr.?) Eliot didn’t produce one of the most astounding MRI scans of human nature ever rendered. An exegesis of the venality, vanity and vapidity encoded in the DNA of several personalities all of whom could just as easily be walking the streets today as opposed to 136 years ago. But what writer today, I ask you, could capture them with such scathing honesty and disarming wit?

It seems to me that in this circle jerk of solipsism we find ourselves inhabiting today, not many authors can tear their eyes off their navels long enough to grind out anything this perceptive, let alone exquisitely crafted. But see for yourself and let me know what you think. At the very least, it’s not the worst way to kill time between episodes of Mad Men.district 9 peter jackson! district 9 district 9

But what, you may be wondering, does that have to do with the price of tea in China (or the purview of this column, at any rate)? Well, as you may recall, a short time ago I decided to conduct a poll of my readers to determine if I should keep going with this thing. And having recently tabulated the results, it’s obvious any reasonable person (not that I’m personally acquainted with any) would conclude it’s time for me to get my gun and put a bullet in this quixotic endeavor of mine. However, thanks to Mr. Trumbo I have a different perspective.

A perspective which suggests that on no uncertain terms should anyone ever, ever stop tapping. (If you’ve read his book you know what I’m talking about and if you haven’t, you should do yourself a favor.) Tapping on a keyboard or whatever other communications device happens to be available. Because you never know who might be listening. Or when. And all it takes is one.

So, having completed this exhaustive, empirical inquiry of mine into the wisdom of forging ahead with this column, I’ve arrived at what I’d be the first to admit is probably not the world’s most unexpected conclusion:

Fuck the research.neill blomkamp 2 girls 1 cup district 9 halo

Gloria Quigley was kind enough to pass along this definition of quixotic: “caught up in the romance of noble deeds and the pursuit of unreachable goals; idealistic without regard to practicality.” So, in other words, I’m trying to throw horseshoes with my tongue is what I believe Gloria is trying to tell me. However, she also made reference to an article in People magazine she’d read a while back reporting on a study that showed “people who don’t have a clue don’t have a clue that they don’t have a clue.” Not what this particular Professor Plum was hoping to hear, but probably an accurate assessment of at least some portion of the advertising/marketing community.

And Jim Bosha went so far as to post his rather post-Apocalyptic take on things here where you can read it at your leisure.

So where do I come out? Right now, I’m just hoping the volume of e-mail cures me of this tendency to act like CNN, where the length of the report is often inversely proportionate to the amount of news contained therein.

Well, (and I’m sure you could see this coming from a mile off), I’m beginning to think I may be just like that girl in the tunnel. I love doing this, too. Not for the money, that’s for sure. Or to gather a crowd. But I do wonder if it’s serving any other purpose besides my own enjoyment. Initially, I hoped it might supply ammunition that people could use to persuade recalcitrant clients to accept more extraordinary advertising. Or maybe persuade more agencies to do advertising of that caliber to begin with. And perhaps serve as a general reminder that the principles of persuasive communication haven’t dramatically changed in the last 10,000 years, never mind since the Internet burst upon the scene.

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So you can imagine the look on my face when I turned to the Business Day section of the Times on Monday, May 19th, and saw this headline: “Online Search Ads Faring Better Than Expensive Displays”, followed shortly thereafter by the statement: “While search advertising remains strong, there are signs that the growth in online advertising–particularly in more elaborate display ads–is slowing down. Mirabile dictu, says I, especially at the parade of statistics that came next: “The prices paid for online ads bought through ad networks dropped 23 percent from March to April, according to PubMatic, an advertising-technology company in Palo Alto, CA that runs an online pricing index.”

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You’d think this would be an easy category. After all, as with any endeavor to develop extraordinary advertising, working in the travel category should start with a thorough exploration of the product on offer. Which, in this case, is bound to mean a “factory tour” more appealing than wandering around a chicken processing plant discovering why the words “awful” and “offal” sound so similar. Or even trying to keep up with the tour guide at a Saab plant while not being too obvious about your inspection of the Svenska flickas working the assembly line. (more…)

The article begins by noting that Citigroup is doing the old Lazarus act with its venerable “The Citi Never Sleeps” slogan. Then, it goes on to say: “But Citigroup’s marketing brain trust (one of my favorite terms) passed on that same idea a year ago, said people with direct knowledge of the branding initiative…” People, who the article goes on goes on to explain: “…spoke anonymously because of the confidentiality of the discussions.” (People, who in other words, are still employed on either the client or agency side but couldn’t resist the opportunity to leak the back story to this debacle redux.) (more…)

Seriously. I would argue (and when do I not, pray tell?) that anyone with any inclination whatsoever to pursue a career as an advertising writer or art director need only bury his or her nose in this book for a couple of days and it will become painfully apparent if he or she gets this ad-making stuff at all or ever will. In fact, I’d go so far as to say anyone involved in any aspect of the advertising business, agency or client side, not to mention anyone interested in the art of persuasive communication period would do well to read this book. If for no other reason than to determine which house he or she is leaning toward. (Since this is my column and I’m unabashedly biased, I’m claiming Gryffindor for all those devoted to extraordinary advertising. The rest of the riffraff can sort out for themselves whether they belong in Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff or Slytherin, but my hunch is the latter is going to need to build an addition.) (more…)